the cult of busy... or, how a vaguely nasty facebook comment made me proud of myself.

Oh the joys of facebook. Being able to say something to someone that is rude and vaguely hurtful without having to say it to their face (not to mention the horrid things that are said anonymously on the internet) is part of the dark side of social media. I love my facebook, I love being able to connect to my friends and loved ones around the world in ways that would not be possible without it. I love sharing my life, and seeing other peoples joys. I don't especially love people who judge behind a computer screen. A few days ago, I posted about something I was doing, and I got a snarky comment along the lines of "how nice it must be to have nothing to do". Now, this was from someone who knows me, but they don't know me that well. I don't expect everyone to know my life story, but I share a considerable amount of my personal life with pretty much anyone who knows me (I'm an open book, baby!), so to snark me for "not being busy enough" is pretty callous- the last few years have been ROUGH (we're talking body/mind overload/breakdown). To snark ANYONE about their life choices sucks, but that's a whole other topic there. Ranting commence:

I have noticed, in recent years, that being busy has become a badge of honor. You know that friend you have, who for the last 20 years has been "the busiest they have ever been!"? I don't mean with normal life things like school and work, I mean every second of every day is crammed with something they "must" do. Or "should" be doing. You haven't seen them in a year (but you live 10 minutes from each other) because every moment of their life is "jammed"? Or maybe that is you, and you haven't sat down and taken a moment to breathe in who knows how long... Now, this is not a judgement on people who are overloaded in their lives, because lord knows our world is overloaded and we are all taking on way to much every day, and the last thing anyone needs is to be feeling more pressure about the way they are living their lives. But we also don't need to be sitting up on our "busy" thrones, judging people who aren't as "busy" as we are. This is just a personal point of view from someone who pushed it WAY TO MUCH, and broke herself. Yep, that's exactly right, I broke myself. I ignored every single screaming cue that my body was giving me to slow the f*#k down, and then my body just stopped. And I finally listened to my body, when it told me to stop. I stopped. I stopped everything. I understand that some people don't have the luxury to stop everything- you must pay your bills, and parent your kids. I am so grateful that I have a life situation where, for now, my husband supports us financially and we are able to exist on one income. We have made sacrifices with that choice- we won't be buying a house for a very, very long time. I know that completely halting one's life is not possible for some people. But what is possible is to listen to your body, really listen, and learn how to say no. Do only the things that you have to do to survive (eat, sleep, play with your kids and do your job) and do nothing else. You do not have to be "busy" to be worthy- remind yourself that daily. I hear things like "oh, you're JUST a yoga teacher" or "you're a stay at home mom, what do you do all day? it must be nice to be home relaxing all the time" (I can't tell you how much that one pisses me off, and I am not a mom!) I hear things like "I wish I had time to read" or "I don't even have the time to cook a meal". I don't know about you, but reading books, even a page a day before I fall asleep, and cooking a meal (even just once in awhile) are non negotiables for me. And because some random person on the internet chooses to judge me because of that doesn't change the fact that I am doing what is right for me, and that is more then enough for me to feel worthwhile. I wish we could all support the person who "just" wants to be a yoga teacher- man was I grateful for that person when it was pretty much all I could do to get myself to yoga class daily and nothing else- I needed that yoga teacher more then she knew! We need to be lifting each other up for our individual choices, not tearing someone down when we are feeling overwhelmed with our lives. And having been a chronically "busy" person before my breakdown, I know how hard it can be to let that go. You feel like people will be let down by you. Well, I can tell you, the people who truly love you are the ones who go "you're overwhelmed? let me bring you some dinner tonight so you can sit on the couch with your little one instead of cooking" rather then the ones who judge you for your need to sit in silence for a hour. I think a lot of people believe that by being busy, they are contributing, or doing what they are "supposed" to do. For me right now, I am supposed to be writing. And drinking tea. And looking at the beautiful trees. And hugging my friends. And going to therapy. And recovering. And I am happy with this place that I am in. And I wish the "busy" person who snarked me was happy with the place they are in, but I fear they are not. And that makes me sad. Even if all you can do is take a hour a week to laugh with a friend, have a good cup of coffee, walk on the beach, just do something that you love just for you, that is still an hour you took to be free and feel good. Even if it means literally sitting and staring into space for an hour. Our brains are not meant to GO GO GO! I hope that no one breaks themselves like I did. And I hope that if they do, they can recover and realize how damaging it is to judge other people for not being busy. I am proud, in this moment, to not be busy. To be where I am. To get here took work. I haven't been sitting around on my arse eating bon-bons every day. I have worked hard in therapy, worked hard restructuring my diet and my stress levels and my health so that I can heal. Worked hard to get to a place where I can breathe again. I am proud of my choices, and I am finding more and more that when people criticize your choices it has more to do with their own issues with their own choices then anything to do with you.

Now I will get off my soapbox and go back to not being busy. Thanks for listening.